Just a little something I'm working on.
Another day goes by, hot and humid as the darkness of night turns it into a luke warm ocean of pitch with tiny blue laser beams trying to poke through the surface, lighting up the sky. Carrying a guitar case in one hand, a cigarette in her mouth and holding a backpack over a shoulder with the other hand, she stops and stares up at the sky. A marvelous display of black and light blue brought a half hearted smile to her dirty, worn face. She had been traveling many days on foot, playing for money from town to town trying to make enough to keep food in her mouth, clothes on her back and her money maker in mint condition. She had nowhere to go, no place to be, no one to stay with or headed in any direction; she simply followed her feet wherever they took her, and traveled roads worn out and untaken. Wandering over to a large tree atop a hill, she leaned her case against the tree, threw down a raggedy blanket and used her backpack as a pillow. This would serve as her home for the night, and had for many nights before.
The sun rose the next morning, chasing off the darkness, giving way to a brand new day and lit up the road she was traveling down. It had been three days now since she left the last city and had been surrounded by nothing but the vast country side. Yesterday she had saw a sign that said the next city was twenty miles. Six days before, she had seen a sign that read “Welcome to Virginia”. This would be her eighth state to travel through since she began her journey out into the world. Waking up, stretching out across the ground, she sits up and gazes out at the sun peeking above the horizon. Another half hearted smile escapes her lips as the daylight adds detail to the worn out and dirt-caked face. Packing up the blanket, slinging the bag over her shoulder, she pulls out a cigarette and lights it up, taking a long drag as she picks up her guitar and sets out on the road once more.
To help pass the time, she begins looking back on recent days, the good times she had in different cities, some of the people she met along the way, the families who held compassion and welcomed her in for a night or two. Remembering the joy she brought to people with her music and heart, bringing smiles to children’s faces and the inspiration she gave to some makes the journey to nowhere easier and hushes any thoughts second guessing if she had made the right decision to leave “home”. And if that were never enough to quiet down her thoughts, she would recall a family she stayed with for near three weeks in Georgia. A family of a mom, dad, two sons, a daughter, two cats, three dogs, the grandparents that came over two to three times a week and the neighbor (also the mother’s sister) that came over everyday. They had nothing but love, compassion and a good time everyday, even if things got chaotic--or more chaotic than what was normal for them.
It was just another day, sitting outside the local market playing her guitar and singing a tune with an open case beside her trying to make money for dinner tonight and maybe the next. The mother and daughter had been walking down the side walk, headed into the market when she began playing a particular song which caught their attention. They stopped outside the door and listened. During the middle of the song, the woman pulled out a twenty dollar bill and put it in the case and the little girl pulled out a dollar and did as her mother had. She smiled at them and finished the song.
“Thank you very much. God bless you.”
The woman smiled and then asked, “How old are you?”
“I’m fifteen, ma’am,” she replied.
“Why, you’re only a child. You’re not from around here, are you?”
“No ma’am, I’m originally from Texas.”
“Are you here with family, visiting someone?” the woman began to sound concerned.
“No ma’am. I’m a runaway,” she said solemnly.
“Goodness, child! Why would you ever consider running away from home?”
“I’ve never had a home, ma’am. I’m lucky to be alive now and safely away from where I used to live.”
“You couldn’t have gone and stayed with a friend, any other relatives? Anyone?”
She sighed. “Not exactly. I haven’t made the best decisions in life either, didn’t have the best ‘friends’ if you even want to call them that, and any other relatives are either just as bad or would have turned on me. I assure you, this isn’t something I wanted to do. I was completely scared to go, and am still scared to be out on my own like this, but it was definitely time to go. I couldn’t even stay in that town. People thought I was just craving attention and faking it. I had to get away. I was tired of being in that situation and tired of living my life the way I was. I just grabbed what you see here and began walking, no place in mind, no sense of direction and all I’m doing is just searching for answers. I know I’m only a kid and don’t know much or have a lot of wisdom, and even now I’m not sure if it was the right decision, but I can safely say I haven’t had any regrets yet. Take that as you will.”
The woman looked at the girl with a guitar strapped on her, skinny and coated in dirt. It was silent for a moment before she spoke again. “What’s your name?”
“Taylor,” she responded.
“Would you like to get something to eat with me and my daughter, Taylor?” The woman asked with a smile on her face. In that same moment, a bond began to form between Taylor and the woman.
So Taylor packed her guitar up, smiling, and grabbed the rest of her things, shoving them into her bag and walked down the sidewalk with the woman and her daughter. It was only a fifteen minute walk from the market back to their house, which was out away from the town in the country, where the paved road became a dirt one. The whole way, there wasn’t a single second that hadn’t passed without some kind of conversation. For the first time ever, Taylor felt a true form a friendship, and for the first time in a while, she felt a sense of love and compassion--something she hadn’t felt since her father passed away when she was a small child. She was beginning to have a little faith and hope in things, again.
Taylor stopped in the middle of the road and smiled at this memory.
“Maybe this is how my life is going to be until I die,” she said out loud.
For a brief moment, she felt a wave of sadness wash over her, but immediately after she felt joy. Maybe this life style wasn’t such a bad one for her. She continued on down the road, thinking about those weeks in Georgia.
She walked through the front door of a beautiful house that was twice the beauty inside, freezing in her steps and gasped out a “…wow!” She had never seen anything like it.
“It was a plantation house many years ago,” the woman said.
“Why, Ms. Sarah, you have a beautiful house. I’m at a loss for words,” she said while in a daze of wonder.
She smiled warmly and said, “Why thank you, Taylor. Come, you can have a seat at the table and I’ll fix you something to eat. You can just set your things down there, beside the coat rack.”
“Yes ma’am.”
She wandered over to the tall, wooden coat rack and set her guitar case up against the wall with her bag propped beside it as a weight while Ms. Sarah walked into the kitchen. As she followed her into the kitchen, Taylor looked around at the pictures decorating the wall and shelves. Inside she couldn’t help but feel a little jealous and longed for a loving and caring family like this one. She could feel her eyes getting a little damp and fought back the tears that were emerging. She rubbed away the damp from her eyes before walking to the kitchen.
She pulled out a chair where Ms. Sarah had already set out a plate and silverware and took a seat. She gazed around the kitchen, taking in all its features when she laid her eyes upon a stained glass ornament hanging from the window above the sink. The way it glittered in the moving rays of light was astounding, and the colorful shadow it cast on the East wall was as mystifying as the Northern lights. There was something about the picture, though. Something about it just held her attention like a hook through a fish’s lip, pulling her in like the fisherman reeling in his catch. The picture the colorful glass held in it was of two large hands held out, as if opened up for a hug while a smaller human looking shape was reaching up to the two large hands, trying to grab a hold of them. It was similar to how a toddler would put his arms up to his mother when she opened them up to pick up the child. The entire ornament was in the shape of a heart, taking up a good fourth of the entire window in size. It was several different colors that looked as if they were all broken pieces that magically fit together in the shape of a heart, while also brilliantly painting a background that looked like a hill under the nice blue sky and shining sun. When looking it over, again and again, Taylor couldn’t figure out what was so welcoming about it. Each minor detail spoke to her, and whatever it was saying, she willingly sat and listened, staring at its beauty.
Ms. Sarah walked about the kitchen from the pantry to stove, to the fridge and back, going back and forth for different things. Taylor sat and watched her move about the kitchen in subtle dance-like movements. Another half hearted smile escapes her lips as she watched Ms. Sarah cook. She had never had someone cook a real meal for her, much less enjoy doing it. The time seemed to pass rather quickly, because after a bit of the fridge and pantry pacing, standing in front of the stove, Ms. Sarah took Taylor’s plate and added nice hot food, fresh from the pan.
“What can I get you to drink?” she asked, cheerfully.
“Water is fine, ma’am. Thank you,” Taylor replied with a smile on her face.
Ms. Sarah walked to the cupboard, then to the fridge, and returned to the table setting a glass of ice water down next to Taylor’s plate and said, “Enjoy,” with a big smile on her face. Taylor returned the smile and began to eat. Her first real meal ever, home cooked and made with love. She tried to show manners and not scarf down the food, but her long ignored hunger and the delightful taste of good food had her on the edge of finishing in a matter of minutes. As she finished the food on her plate, Ms. Sarah got up and refreshed it with more and lit Taylor’s face up with joy. She happily ate the rest of the food and Ms. Sarah simply smiled at her. Not many words were said, but they both had an understanding of each other during those moments.
Taylor finished her food and sat back in her chair, feeling full; a feeling she had not had for almost a year. Ms. Sarah took her plate and utensils to the sink and began washing them.
“Thank you very much, Ms. Sarah. It was wonderful.”
“It was my pleasure. I’m sure you probably haven’t had a meal like that in ages.”
“Not one that big, filling or even that wonderful. Not even when I was back at…” she stopped midsentence and Ms. Sarah only nodded.
“If you don’t mind me asking,” Ms. Sarah began as she dried her hands with a towel and pulled a chair out to sit at the table, “could you tell me a little more about yourself and why you left? You seem so sure it was the right choice and don’t seem to be like most of the runaways I’ve ever met your age. You have a big heart and I can’t help but wonder how someone like you could have been in a situation that would force you to leave.”
“You know, you’re the first person I’ve met so far that’s ever cared enough to want to know. I really don’t have much of a story, though. My father died when I was four, my mother is an alcoholic and would always beat me. My siblings just ignored it and thought of her as the best mother in the world, always ridiculing me for talking bad about her. A few times they would even beat me down with words or fists because of it. At one point, I started doing drugs and getting involved in bad things. Made some bad choices and put myself down in a deep hole. For a while I was suicidal, and at one point attempted so I could finally be out of all my pain, but failed. That’s when I finally decided maybe I shouldn’t even try, and that if I just left, things would start to get better and I could find answers. Obviously things weren’t working staying there or the way I was living my life, and since I couldn’t successfully end it, maybe I just need to change it. But there was no room for change in that house or even in that town. So nearly a year later, here I am. That’s all there really is to it.”
Ms. Sarah reached across to her and pulled Taylor into a hug, saying in her ear, “I’m sorry, hon.”
“It’s alright. Not your fault, it’s my own for being stupid and making those mistakes.”
“But I’m sorry you had to go through what you did. No one should have to, though sadly enough, it happens a lot more this day in age.”
Taylor squeezed her tight, then stood up from the table and started to make her way to the door. Ms. Sarah followed her to the front door and stopped as Taylor began to pick up her things.
“Just where do you think you are going?”
“I really do appreciate you letting me come into your home, and even more appreciate you making me lunch, but I need to be on my way. I don’t want to be a burden to you and your family. Thank you very much for your hospitality.”
Ms. Sarah stood in front of the door, blocking Taylor’s way.
“Child, you are in no way a burden to us. Please, stay here for a couple of days. Get cleaned up, well fed and rested before you set out again. The world is a cruel place, and I’m sure you’ve seen a lot of it.”
She stood there, taken off guard and slightly shocked. No one had ever offered her their home to stay in, food from their own kitchen, and their time to take care of her before. Sure, she had spent a night in the home of people who, when she asked to stay there for the night because the weather was bad out, or it was a horrible town to sleep outside in, let her. No, this was different. It wasn’t really an option to stay or leave, she was being told she had to by a woman who barely knew her. A woman who had a family to take care, as well.
“I suppose I don’t really have a choice, do I?” Taylor replied with a slight grin on her face, happy that she felt wanted and loved by someone.
“No, you really don’t. I was only trying to be polite about telling you that you were staying. Come on, let me take you up stares to a guest room so you can put your things up and get cozy.”
Taylor felt a smile spread across her face from ear to ear. This was not a normal, half felt smile that escaped—this was a genuine smile that was a result of a warm feeling inside of her. She began having more faith in her decision as this day proceeded. She thought to herself that maybe crashing here for a couple of days wasn’t such a bad idea after all. She followed Ms. Sarah upstairs, and as she took each step up, she felt the cold darkness of her small hole fading. She could see the light beginning to shine through the clouds and a new hope emerged with it. No, this wasn’t a bad idea at all. Ms. Sarah opened the door to a bedroom and Taylor walked in, setting her things down and looking around the room. It had quite the old timey feel to it. Walking over to the window, Taylor pulled back one of the curtains and peered down at the children playing in the yard.
“This room has quite the view,” she said as she stared out.
“Mhmm, I thought you might enjoy it,” Ms. Sarah replied, pleased.
Taylor turned to her. “Thank you,” was all she could spit out, though there was more on her mind she wanted to say.
“You’re quite welcome. There is a bathroom right down the hall on the right. Towels are in the cabinet to the right of the sink I’ll let you be to get cleaned up and get some rest, if you wish.”
Ms. Sarah walked off and Taylor pulled out the cleanest clothes she could find in her bag, starting off to the bathroom to take a much needed shower. She wanted to take advantage of a nice hot shower though knew to be courteous and only get cleaned up. Once she stepped in to the shower and felt the warm water rain down on her body, she decided she would take a little more time scrubbing off all the dirt and washing her hair out. After drying off and getting dressed, she walked back down the hall to her room and put her dirty clothes back in her bag before clearing it off the bed. She sat a moment on the edge of the too large bed and gazed around the room once more, grinning. Laying back on the cloud-like mattress, Taylor drifted off into sleep.
~~~~~
Ms. Sarah lightly tapped on the door, waiting a moment for any sound, then cracked the door and saw Taylor sprawled out on the bed, asleep. She walked over and tapped her gently and Taylors eyes fluttered opened.
“The kids are setting the table. I thought I’d come wake you up to meet the family and have some dinner,” she said softly.
Taylor sat up and rubbed her eyes, trying to find her voice again to speak, “What time is it? How long have I been asleep?”
“A good five hours, at least, maybe a little longer. We’ll be down stairs waiting for you,” she said as she walked out the door.
Stretching as she stood up, Taylor brushed out her hair real fast before pulling it back and headed down stairs to the kitchen. She hesitantly walked into the kitchen, eyes locking on her as she entered. Ms. Sarah stood up from the table and motioned toward Taylor, “Everyone, this is Taylor, the young lady I was telling you about. Taylor, this is my husband Michael, the boys Justin and Jonathan and Caroline.”
“Hello,” she said weakly, “it’s a pleasure to meet you all.”
Walking over to the empty chair, she smiled a little, feeling nervous being in a house full of people she had never met until just then. She sat down, and they all joined hands and bowed their heads. She hesitantly took the hands of the two kids beside her and bowed her head, not completely sure what she was doing. She had never prayed before, never really believed in God or any god, but she thought it was respectful to at least takes hands and bow her head while they blessed their food.
They ate dinner, making small talk and getting to know Taylor a little better and sharing some of their own stories with her, and before the night was over, Taylor felt at ease and at home. She slowly made her way up the stairs after a long but wonderful evening. She went straight to the window in her room and stared out at the beautiful night sky. With a smile on her face, she mumbled to the stars, “If there is a God, please bless this family for everything they are doing for me. I’m grateful.”
Days went by fast as she stayed with Ms. Sarah and her family. She worked out on the farm, played with the kids, helped them with their homework, did chores around the house, ran errands for Ms. Sarah or her sister, and would tell stories of her travels and life back home at night when she and Ms. Sarah could chat. Taylor was really beginning to fit in with this family, and as far as they were concerned, she was a part of the family. The first week went by and Ms. Sarah had already made a decision, that night after dinner, her and Taylor were going to discuss some other matters besides just sharing stories.
After dinner, Taylor was helping Caroline with the dishes, washing and rinsing them while Caroline dried and put them away. Ms. Sarah waiting until the room was empty except the two girls and approached Taylor.
“When you finish up here, do you mind joining me in our usual place to chat? I have some things I’d like to discuss with you.”
“Yes ma’am, I will be in there shortly,” Taylor responded, trying to mask her curiosity of why she would ask since they talk there every night anyways.
So Taylor finished washing all the dishes and asked Caroline if she would also rinse the last of them, which she gladly did as Taylor dried her hands walking toward the study. She sat down in the chair beside Ms. Sarah and a moment of silence passed before she spoke.
“What did you want to talk about, Ms. Sarah?”
“Well, you’ve been here for a little over a week now,” she began,” and you’ve been helping out so much and just taking a part of everything like you are a part of the family.”
“If it’s a problem, I will—“
“It’s not a problem at all,” she interrupted,” in fact, I’m humbled by it. You just fit so well with us, I want you to stay. You help the kids with their school work, you do so much around the house willingly, and no one even asks you to do anything. You have such a good heart and a good mind. I want you to get enrolled in school here so you can continue your education.”
“I won’t be here long enough for it to be worth it,” she replied after a few seconds.
“This is what I want you to think about. You can stay here and have a wonderful home and a family. Mike and I have talked it over and agreed. The kids love you and look up to you as a big sister. You don’t have to keep wandering around, playing guitar for money just to eat and maybe get to wash your clothes. You can have a new life here with us. Please, just think about it.”
Taylor sighed and looked off behind Ms. Sarah at the bookcase. This was an offer too good to be true, too good to refuse. Is this what she had been searching for? She thought about it a little longer. Something still felt missing. She loved these people, would love staying with them, but she couldn’t help but feel that she had to keep on walking and searching for something, and further more, she would be a big burden to this family after a while. She couldn’t do that to these people, not after how good they’ve been to her. But if she shut Ms. Sarah down now, she would feel bad.
“Can I have some time to think it through?” Taylor asked.
“Yes, you may. Though, I don’t see what there is to think about. This is a home, family, food, shelter, love, friends, everything you need here.”
“Yes, I know. It’s just…sudden, and still a bit new to me. “
“I understand,” she said,” take as much time as you need, dear.”
“Thank you.”
Taylor got up and gave Ms. Sarah a hug, excused herself and went upstairs to shower. She laid in bed, staring out the window at the sky just contemplating the offer. It was perfect, why couldn’t she just say yes? What is it that still feels missing? Would leaving here be the right thing to do, or would she eventually find what she needed to feel right by staying? Taylor didn’t know any of the answers. She sighed and remained confused as she drifted to sleep.
Two weeks had passed since Taylor had met Ms. Sarah and been staying with her. She still did not have an answer to any of her questions, nor to Ms. Sarah’s offer. She tried not to dwell on it too much and just let the days go one at a time. She was sitting in a chair on the front porch when Caroline interrupted her thoughts.
“Taylor?” she said softly
“Yes, hon?”
“Will you help me with this puzzle?” Caroline held up a 500 piece puzzle box.
“Sure, I’ll help,” she smiled and got up, taking her hand and walking inside with her up to Caroline’s room. They sat down on the floor and began putting the edge pieces together. Taylor sprawled out on her side and leaned on her left arm while shuffling through the pieces with her right. After several minutes of just small talk and putting the puzzle together, Caroline looked at Taylor with a confused look.
“What’s wrong?” Taylor asked.
“How long are you going to stay with us, Taylor?” she asked in a worried voice.
“I’m not sure, kiddo. Why do you ask?”
“I don’t want you to leave,” she began to tear up.
Taylor wiped away the dampness from her eyes and sat up, “Hey now, you don’t need to cry. I’m not going anywhere just yet. Your mom isn’t going to let me go anywhere, it seems.”
“But you still haven’t told mommy yes to staying with us, so that means you aren’t going to.”
“I’m just not sure I should stay, baby girl. I know you and your brothers and everyone wants me to stay, and they have a good reason, too, but I feel like it may not be the right thing. But I do promise that if I leave, I will come back and visit you at times.”
“You promise?”
“Yes, I promise. I’ll make an effort to come back and visit just for you.”
Caroline wedged her way into Taylors arms, hugging her as Taylor wrapped them around her tight.
Taylor knew what she had to do. She knew that she couldn’t stay here, and that whatever she was missing she still needed to go out and search for. They continued the puzzle until Ms. Sarah had returned from town.
“You girls having fun?” she walked in and checked on them.
“Yes ma’am, just doing a puzzle,” Taylor replied as she put in the second to last piece and Caroline happily finished it with the last.
“Good job,” Ms. Sarah said.
“Yeah, great job kiddo,” Taylor high fived her.
“Thank you for helping me,” Caroline smiled and hugged her once more.
“Anytime, hon. Now, let’s put it back in the box and go downstairs to help your mom.”
Within the next week she would finally play some of her music for them, wrestle with the boys, help them finish a tree house, do more puzzles and play games with Caroline, help Ms. Sarah with housework, help Mike on the farm, finish four books, and finally tell Ms. Sarah she was extremely grateful for everything she had done and for the offer, but could not accept it. And that night at dinner, during the prayer, Ms. Sarah had added a special thanks for the Lord bringing Taylor into their lives, to watch over and protect her as she got ready to take off into the world again and to bless her.
The day she was getting ready to take off, Ms. Sarah bought her new clothing, food to take with her, a decent backpack, bottled water and gave her money to get far on. Caroline gave her a book Taylor had read every night to her, and the boys cried on either of her shoulders and she wrapped an arm around both of them in a hug.
“Thank you so much, for everything. It means so much to me, and I’m grateful for the opportunity to have known all of you.”
“Thank you for the blessings you have brought us with your soul,” Ms. Sarah said.
“Thank you for all the hard work and help you did. You’re a good kid, and a wonderful person,” Mike added on.
Taylor nodded, hugged them all one last time and started out on the road with her things. A backpack over one shoulder, guitar case in the other hand and pulling out her last cigarette, and she already missed the family. She couldn’t turn around, she knew she just had to keep moving and in a few days, it wouldn’t be as hard to not look back. Three weeks with Ms. Sarah and her wonderful family had left a big impression in her life, and she knew she would always remember this family. She had to, because she had a promise to keep.
Taylor stopped a moment and noticed she was crying. It had been a few months since she last saw them. A few months, and she could here Caroline asking when she would be back to visit, because she promised she would. She was now in Virginia, and not even sure she remembered the way to get back to Ms. Sarah in Georgia. All the way in Virginia…even looking back now, she could still the same sunset she saw every evening on the farm. It was time to set up camp for the night, and hopefully tomorrow she would finally reach town. As the hours passed and the sky grew darker, Taylor pondered what was the toughest part of this journey. Was it finally deciding to leave? Taking the first step in leaving? The physical exhaustion, lack of food, water, shelter and clothing? Having walked away from a home and family back in Georgia? The memories she carried of those good people she met along the way? Before finally drifting off to sleep, she finally decided the toughest thing about it was not knowing what she was searching for and having to walk away from so many good people just to find it and feel whole.
